‘You're setting the kids up for failure’: Mother demands 24-year-old jobless step-daughter do more chores than son, daughter involves father, who comes to her defense

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Oct 14, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

If you had to live through what Cinderella went through with her stepmother and step-sisters, how do you think you would've handled the situation? Would you have stood up to them when they tried to bully you into doing all the house chores, or would you have done what Cinderella did, basically sticking it out until a prince came to rescue her?

Out in the real world, I am sure there are plenty of 'real Cinderella stories', about people who have to deal with mean step-parents or step-siblings, and it is always intriguing to find out how each person deals with a situation like that. 

The situation in this story, however, is slightly more complicated than Cinderelle's, mostly because there is no bad guy, just a family who tries their best. The mom (OP, original poster) decided to give her step-daughter more chores around the house than her son, since the 24-year-old daughter has no job, still lives at home, and still gets an allowance from her parents. The entitled daughter deemed this arrangement unfair and complained so to her father, who decided to take his daughter's side.

Keep scrolling to read the full (not-so-fairy) tale, to decide which side you are on. After you are done, click here for another family story about a daughter who refuses to babysit her newborn sibling. 

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  • 01
    "They both claim I am being unfair"
    via dimaberlinphotos

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for making my stepdaughter do more chores than my son?
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 03
    My husband and I (both 47) brought one child each into our marriage, his daughter (24) and my son (22). My husband and I have been married for 17 years and we all get along for the most part.
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 04
    The biggest continuing issue we have is that I make my step daughter do more chores and that's almost always been the case. I work 30-40 hours a week and my husband works around
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 05
    50 so I handle a lot more of the household and child care. She often complained to her father who complained to me but I felt like he agreed more with me. because he only mentioned she complained and let it go.
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  • 06
    The chores were fairly light and even through elementary school for both of them. When they got to middle school though my son started taking advanced placement classes, which have
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 07
    more homework. He also started doing some volunteer work, mentoring younger kids. He's always been very scholarship minded because he knew we didn't have a lot to save back. The
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 08
    chores were still pretty even, but on days when his tutoring/mentoring ran late, I did them. I didn't do the same for her when she was out later with friends. She has always been well liked with lots of friends because
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 09
    she has a very bright, fun personality. In HS, my son picked up more volunteer hours, college prep and AP classes, and got a job. He paid for his "extras" and she had to earn her allowance. That's when the bigger discrepancy happened.
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 10
    Now he's going into his graduate program, doing research, working two part-time jobs, and still tutoring on the side. We pay for his housing, food, etc so he can save some money. She's still very much a social butterfly and I love
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 11
    that she has so many people who love her. But she has no job, no college, and isn't trying to get either. We've offered to help her any way we can but she just says she's too busy. So she has far more chores than him.
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 12
    Apparently she complained more to her father and he has finally decided I need to balance it out more. I don't even know how when my son has so little time and told him no.
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 13
    They both say I'm being unfair and the more I think about it, I don't know. Aita? Edit: Her chores are to sweep, dust when necessary, and wash bedding and towels once a week.
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 14
    Her allowance is $1,000/month from her father. His chores are take out the trash, load the dishwasher, cook his own food. He also helps with outside chores when asked. He declined an allowance because he knows we
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 15
    are trying to save money ourselves and he has a job. I do the cooking, mopping, kitchen and bathroom cleaning myself.
    via LocationRegular9340
  • 16
    Apprehensivelce9026 1d ago • Partassipant [1] She's 24 and no study or job!? Her father really thinks that's ok? And then she has the b. "'s to say she's too busy to do so?! Sounds you (parents) failed her.
    via Apprehensivelce9026
  • 17
    She's a legal adult, but she acts like a child. NTA If her dad insists in this, he can do her part of the chores.
    via Apprehensivelce9026
  • 18
    • shopayss 1d ago • You're setting up both kids for failure. Your stepdaughter isn't ready to get a job because she's getting a generous allowance already. I bet once that allowance is cut off she'll be ready to get a job. If she wants to keep the same
    via shopayss
  • 19
    allowance then she should do more chores. $1000/month is close to what I pay a cleaning lady once a week. I understand your son is busy with school but if he was living on his own the chores would still be there regardless of how much schooling and working he
    via shopayss
  • 20
    has. If he was living with a partner in the future will he expect his partner, who would also work fulltime, to do his chores for him?
    via shopayss
  • 21
    Mikill1995 1d ago • Is your daughter okay? Why does she not have a job or go to college? Is she depressed? In therapy? What is she doing all day? What's her reasoning for not looking? A huge hole in the CV is not going to make getting a job easier...
    via Mikill1995
  • 22
    MarshmallowFloofs85 • 1d ago • she gets 1000 a month to sweep dust and wash bedding?? I was going for YTA but if she's getting 1k to do the very basic things to live absolutely NTA
    via MarshmallowFloofs85

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